Letter to a Show Dog Breeder

While I was still in the Chicago area I advertised in the Mother Earth News for a woman interested in sharing a “very primitive life.” Got quite a few replies, but most of them were from women who either didn’t read the ad or had a strange conception of what the words “very primitive” meant. For example, one woman seemed to think that a “very primitive life” included raising quarter-horses and pure-bred showdogs. I was so disgusted with her stupidity that I sent her an answer to the following effect:

“I live in a cave, eat raw meat, and hunt bears with a club. I been combin’ the burrs out of my whiskers every mornin’ ever since I got your letter, so I should be lookin’ pretty good by the time you get here. Hurry up and come, cause I ain’t had a woman for several years now and I can’t hardly wait no longer.”

(I have a somewhat undisciplined sense of humor.)