Unknown Journals

C-197

“Journal entries w/various dates; mentions Tech Society by Ellul.”

March 16, 1974: This morning was very fresh and beautiful...But as I came around the hill N. of the cabin I heard the roar of some snowmobiles ahead, buzzing around and around...It’s not that I’m...shy about meeting people [in itself], but (1)[this is the most important point] meeting people especially people like that — upsets the sense of isolation from organized society (2) just the noise by itself is distressing (3) living off here in the winter it is impractical to keep one’s clothes clean or shave regularly, so that I look like a tramp, and must be an object of curiosity, if not of amusement or suspicion, to these slicked and pampered snowmobilists. Also, Ardrey’s famous territorial imperative” may play some role here. Anyhow, I went back a little way, then sat and brooded for awhile ...

... I can hardly express how this enrages me. More snowmobiles have been roaring by the cabin just now ...

... What I seek here is not recreation or anything of that sort, but a way of life. I want to be my own master ....I want .. work to do that is practical, that serves a purpose as a part of my own life, and that is under my own direction and control ...

... This ... is the crux of the whole matter — I will not be part of organized society. [Jacques Ellul’s “Technological Society”.]

... even the slightest involvement with other people puts pressures on one’s autonomy (though this is less so with close friends of long standing). So fuck ‘em all. I will do what I god damn well please...

... and regular trails as one can get in a one-day excursion from the cabin. Until today, these ridge-tops were the one place where I felt secure from intrusion by this kind of garbage; this area was my last refuge, the last place I could turn to within reach of the cabin. And now .... I was so terribly upset that I believe that if those cocksuckers had come into the meadow where I was, I would have shot them. To top it off, after I got home some cocksucker rode right [s/o] into my yard on a trailbike.I went out there with my .30–30, wondering if I would have the nerve to shoot the son of a bitch, and intending at least to scare him, but by the time I got out there he was gone. Later I spiked a big heavy pole across my road to block it, and I painted a Keep Out sign that I will nail up tomorrow. But I just don’t know what to do or where to turn. I can’t just hole up in the cabin all the time, and there seems to be nowhere left where I can hunt or gather roots or berries without looking over my shoulder all the time to see if the vile emissaries of civilization are about to break in on me. As for returning permanently to civilization — I would rather die. I never thought civilization would close in on me so quickly — I thought this place would be good for ll a few years yet. But this summer it seems that about every other time I go out on a long walk I have been ustrated in one way or another by the presence of ople. Where did they all come from so quickly?

Oct. 6 [1975]: — I had a rather bad dream. I dreamt that some loggers were working around the hill into the area just across the stream from my cabin, building roads and tearing everything up. Then came a stupendous power-shovel, with a bucket big enough to hold half my cabin, digging up the earth. It came closer and closer to my cabin. I yelled and screamed and waved my arms, trying to call the operator’s attention to the fact that there was a cabin there, but his attention was ...

... on his job, and with the noise of the machinery, he didn’t hear me. Just as it seem.ed I was about to be killed by the shovel, I woke up.

C-226E(?)

[May 14, 1975]

... Still untroubled by any desire for women, and expect to stay that way as long as I keep away from people ...

C-225B PAGE 4 (1993)

PAGE 4. In a letter, say that the “scientists think that they’re very intelligent because they have advanced degrees (advanced degrees) but they’re not as intelligent as they think they are, because they opened up those packages.” This will make [TN: The Spanish verb hara (make) is misspelled] them think that I don’t have an advanced degree.